Working through desire when it’s not an “issue”

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    • #8236
      Clare C
      Participant

      Hi Gillian. I just successfully worked through my addictive desire with the help of your wonderful MP3. It had been building all day and really showed itself as I finished lunch. I felt the relief when the desire left me and then felt elated that I’d worked through it. Now however (shortly afterwards) I feel drained and I can hear my brain telling me that I’m just delaying it and I will overeat later anyway. There are two aspects that I would appreciate some guidance on. The first is related to the desire building all day. I frequently feel addictive desire shortly after breakfast. I don’t tend to pay it much attention as it’s probably the only time in the day that’s it’s rare I satisfy it, so it doesn’t generally present me with an issue. Would you recommend that I actually work through it then and perhaps it wouldn’t “build up” in the same way? My concern with this is that I may make it into an issue just after breakfast when it currently isn’t.

      Secondly, if I’m feeling as I do now, I wonder if I was fighting my desire rather than accepting it? It didn’t feel like that at the time though. Why is my brain (me!) being so negative with its prediction of what I’ll do later, rather than letting me be pleased at my success? It’s incredibly frustrating at the same time as being fascinating! Thanks for reading this now rather long-winded post and for your excellent course.

    • #8237
      Julie Mann
      Participant

      Clare I’ve experienced just this and cannot wait to hear Gillian’s response!

    • #8240
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      There are a few things here, Clare, and I want to ask first of all what it is you eat for breakfast and if you’ve changed it recently?

    • #8243
      Clare C
      Participant

      Hi Gillian. Thanks for your quick response. I had to go back to work and ended up on calls all afternoon so have only just seen it. I have had the same breakfast for many months now. It’s Rice Krispies, a banana and rice milk. I feel as if I should justify the Rice Krispies! I have chronic IBS and if I don’t keep fibre to a minimum it makes things even worse. I still find it hard to believe but my consultant recommended Rice Krispies because they are fortified with vitamins and minerals and are otherwise unlikely to affect IBS. Clare.

    • #8244
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      And you are dairy-free as well, Clare? I ask because there are many things to have for breakfast that are low or no fibre, besides Rice Krispies. And you could ‘fortify’ with vitamin and mineral supplements, yes?

      I suspect that the high sugar meal you are eating in the morning is setting you up for your desire to eat more, and I guess you’re making similar choices for lunch… and so it continues, and you find “the desire is building all day”.

      Your first step would be to recognise the outcomes of your choices at breakfast (and maybe lunch too). The best way to do that would be to try eating something quite different (and low in sugar) but I do wonder if that’s something you will consider.

    • #8245
      Clare C
      Participant

      I’m not dairy-free but I’m not a big fan of cows’ milk on its own rather than as an ingredient, so tend to go for rice milk on cereal.

      Thanks – I think what you say is a very fair point and will likely make a big difference. As you could no doubt tell from my justification of Rice Krispies it doesn’t sit very well with what I think of as a good breakfast. Whilst I’m working from home for the next few weeks it’s a good time to try something different for breakfast and I will do that.

      I think the desire may also “build” because I frequently feel I have to deny myself certain foods or sometimes even food at all during the day in order to deal with IBS symptoms whilst I am working. When I get home / stop working and am “safe” I overeat. This makes things worse in so many ways and so the cycle continues. It’s easy to see intellectually that this is bonkers but much harder to actually sort out! Having said that, I have already seen small successes with your methods such as starting to recognise that I am choosing not to eat certain foods because the outcome is likely to be negative, rather than petulantly telling myself I “can’t” have them – so I am hopeful. Thanks again.

    • #8246
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Not at all sure why you are eating cereal, as eggs, yoghurt, cheese, meat or fish of some kind would all be low fibre.

      Really good to hear that you are getting some small successes anyway.

      Let me know how you do and what you discover.

    • #8247
      Clare C
      Participant

      Thank you. I will do. I have an omelette planned for the morning.

    • #8248
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      I don’t want to forget about the second part of your question, “why is my brain (me!) being so negative with its prediction of what I’ll do later, rather than letting me be pleased at my success?”

      I agree with you that this aspect is fascinating, and the way I understand it is that “you” are something other than your brain. At least to a very large extent (and maybe completely) the brain replays what happened in the past, automatically.

      My guess is your brain says you will overeat later anyway simply because you’ve done that before. And it’s always good to keep your options open: maybe you’ll overeat later and maybe you won’t.

    • #8249
      Clare C
      Participant

      That would make sense – I’ve created and reinforced the pathways around overeating for a long time so it would be a fair expectation that I will do it again.

      Thanks for the reminder about keeping my options open.

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